Hole in the wall of Heaven
by Sara Sidle Grissom
Summary: Chapter 10 is up, Sara is coming back! Dying is different than we all thought, is it true that we go to Heaven as soon as we breathe our last breath? Sara has something to tell Grissom, is he willing to listen? GSR, WIP
1. Realization

**Hole in the wall of Heaven**

_Disclaimer: I don't own them, sadly._

_Spoilers: None._

_Summary: Is there a place out of Heaven, a possibility of going back? _

_Genre: Drama  
Beta: Uhm... no. All mistakes are mine and only mine._

_A/N: This is my first try for an AU fic. I've been walking around with this idea for quite a while, and now I had the time to do something with it. Here's hoping you like it. Please R&R.  
Sorry for the short chapter, I'm just checking out if I should continue this... _

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**Chapter 1 - Realization.**

Crying. Screaming. Pleading. Begging. Darkness... total darkness. A sharp pain runs through my body, leaving it prickling on the cold floor. I didn't see it coming, the bullet came as a total surprise. My eyes close tighter. Warm liquid is flowing over my body, blood. My chest is covered with it and I feel how it runs down my sides.

I feel how I'm drifting away, leaving a lifeless form on the ground. I don't dare to open my eyes, afraid of the images that come with the voices. More crying. More screaming. More pleading. More begging.

Finally the pain goes away, the sounds die down. A whisper... my name... a voice thick of emotion... Grissom. He was the only other person on the scene. In my head I see him standing there, with his gun on our guy, telling him to drop his gun. But he didn't... he fired.

I open my eyes and have to blink to get a better view. I see my own body, in his arms. I call out his name once, twice... He doesn't hear me. His cheeks are wet from the tears. I look around and see the other body, he must have shot him right after I fell down.

I lay my hand on his shoulder, but again he doesn't respond. I look at my own face, my eyes tightly closed and a wound in my chest. It's strange, seeing yourself like this... dead. My body died, but I'm still here.

My head starts spinning as I try to connect the facts. A bullet wound in my chest... I look down and see my body looks unharmed. 'How is this possible?' I touch my chest, looking for a bullet wound... but I feel nothing but clothes, dry clothes.

I unbutton my blouse somewhat and look down again... a scar... This must mean that this is afterlife. I did die, but now I'm alive again, only this time different.

I call out Grissom's name again, walking towards him and kneeling down next to him. He doesn't see me, he just watches the other me. I start to cry as I put my hands against my face.

-----

**TBC**

_Teaser:  
I watch her... my eyes growing wide. "So you're saying there's a way back?" She nods and then walks off. Her hair waving on the warm breeze._

_"Wait... you need to tell me how!" I scream after her... but she just disappears in the crowd and I'm alone again. _


	2. Surprise

_A/N: Another chapter in this story... I don't know where it's leading to yet... I can only try to make it GS in some way or another... Enjoy reading... _

**Hole in the wall of Heaven**

_Chapter 2 – Surprise_

'So this is Heaven?' I think to myself as I watch how David is examining my body, trying to find the entry wound and the exit wound. I hear I've been killed by a .45 calibre, no surprise there. Now they are checking my liver temperature, to notify the exact time of death. I let out a shaky sigh, nobody here can see me. Nobody here can hear me.

Grissom is sitting on the floor, his back pressed against the wall. It seems as if he's staring at me, although I know he doesn't see me. It hurts to see him like this. It hurts to see him broken.

As I hear another voice entering the room, I turn around and look right into the face of Catherine Willows. I can see she has been crying, because of the black stains on both of her cheeks. Her eyes are red and puffy and she is sniffling a little.

"Catherine?" She doesn't hear me; she just walks past me to kneel down in front of Grissom. I see how she reaches for him and pulls him into a tight hug. He isn't moving, he just let's her hug him. The pain is consuming him, his eyes seem lifeless. It's seems as if he's lost all power and will to live right there and then.

I turn around and softly close my eyes. 'I thought Heaven was supposed to be a good place, I take that I was wrong.' Hot salty tears come from my eyes and wet the skin of my cheeks. It tickles somewhat and I wipe them away with the back of my hands.

I let out a deep sight and turn back, to watch the interaction between Grissom and Catherine. She is still hugging him and I hear how she whispers soothing words. Now he speaks up, releasing himself from her embrace.

"I shouldn't have let her go to the house alone, I should have gone with her immediately..." He is babbling, rattling about things that don't make any sense. "If I would have been here, she would've still been alive, Cath. It's just all my fault."

I hear how Catherine cuts him off. Telling him it's not his fault, saying that everything will be okay. I see how he stands up and starts pacing.

"No, everything is not okay. She is dead. Sara, my Sara, just died because of me. And if I couldn't protect her from that bullet, then I should have prevented her from going alone. I should have told her Cath, I should have told her and now it's too late."

He slumps to the floor with a thud. "I love her... I love her so much." That's where he starts crying. The sobs are making his whole body shake. I wish I was alive, I wish I was able to make all pain go away.

With as much speeds as I can I move my legs; I leave the room and leave the house. Tears continue to fall and they make my sight blurry. It's then that I start screaming, because of everything that has happened. 'Why me? Why did I deserve to die?'

It's then that I feel a hand on my shoulder. Hesitantly I look around and see a young woman. Her eyes are blue as the sky and her white gown lights up in the sunlight. I narrow my eyes and ask: "Who are you?" My voice is full of emotion and I can't speak up loud.

"I'm Helena. I apologize for scaring you, but I just need to tell you a few things. I can't wait too long, because there isn't enough time." She announces and watches me carefully.

"What..." I wipe my eyes. "What do you mean? I'm dead... I have eternity."

"No, you don't. Not yet."

"I'm in Heaven, right? Then how exactly don't I have eternity?" I spat out angrily.

"Sara..." At the mention of my name I look up, startled. 'How does she know my name?'

"This isn't Heaven. This is the stage before Heaven, the place where you have to decide if you're ready to leave like this. Think about it and I will contact you again in a few days."

I watch her... my eyes growing wide. "So you're saying there's a way back?" She nods and then walks off. Her hair waving on the warm breeze.

"Wait... you need to tell me how!" I scream after her... but she just disappears in the crowd and I'm alone again.

'A way out of here? That means I'm not dead yet. Am I in coma?' But the air around me doesn't smell hospital-like. There's no way I'm still alive, I saw how the bullet hit me. I saw it was a through and through. My mind tells me it's just not possible. 'I am dead... I am dead... I am dead...'

The city seems so quiet, although I can hear the sirens and the car breaks. The press is all over the front yard, like some kind of bug colony. 'Great... I'm dead less than an hour and my mind hasn't been off him since then, I even think about him when I think about bugs.' She sighed.

'Where am I going now? Do I need sleep? Where do I sleep then?' My mind is filled with those practically useless questions, they're not important. I stand up and walk away from the house, out of the street. I keep on walking... I feel like I'm crossing whole Vegas, when I finally get there... the overpass, under which we found a woman in a shopping cart, years ago.

I remember standing there alone in the dark, taking in the things the city was telling. Usually I didn't take the time to, relax and listen to the sounds of the Strip, far away. Now I did, and I remember it was comforting. Just when I was taking in more of the surroundings, and put my scientific mask back on, he was there.

Of course we talked about the case... but this moment was somehow special to me. He came here to look after me, at least... that's the way I always liked to see it. It seemed to get to me more than other moments we have shared.

Tears flow again as I lower myself onto the cold ground. 'I miss you so much...'


	3. Reminding

**A/N: **I'm sorry for the long delay on this chapter, I've been writing this chapter multiple times, but I just wasn't satisfied with it. I'm not satisfied with this either, but I couldn't let everybody wait longer, I started to feel bad about it. I just have to many ideas for new fics... Okay I hope you like it, I won't feel offended if you don't..._

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__Chapter 3 – Reminding _

I don't know how I've made it through the night, but I see how the sun is slowly coming up, peeking over the horizon. It sets the desert in a red glow, but doesn't change anything here in the city. The lights are still blinding and light the whole Strip, day and night. There's no harmony in this city, no beautiful nature, not anything.

I hear the cabs pushing their claxon as a car speeds through red on a busy intersection. I look back, hearing the car slam into something but not really bothering, so I walk in the opposite direction. When I was still alive -'That sounds odd'- I used to take a look at the accident, see if I could be of any help. 'Who needs a ghost anyway?'

Before I know what I'm doing I'm walking in the direction of Grissom's townhouse, away from the lights and the busy traffic. The street is silent, and his house is dark. 'He's not at home Sidle.' I say to myself. 'And what if he was... he doesn't see me, he can't see me.'

"He can Sara." There she is again, Helena.

I look at her, tears in my eyes. "How?"

"Not immediately, but he'll notice your presence and you could move some of his stuff around... as a way of communication. Or... no wait, that's not a good idea." She pondered.

My attention is immediately peeked. "What's no good idea?"

She let's out a sigh. "Well, you could use me to talk to him. I'm... able to show myself to the living, and bring messages from the dead."

"Okay, done. Tell him..." I start, but stop again when she holds up her hand.

"It's not that easy Sara, most people don't believe me at first, usually they only start believing me when one of the dead move things in their house, he'll be able to feel your presence. And then after some time, I can show myself to him, he'll believe me then, because he has felt your presence."

I nod in understanding. "What do you want me to do?"

"Go to his house, move objects he uses a lot. Go wherever he goes, he'll feel you." She touches my shoulder with her hand, it's white and her fingers are long, like skeleton hands. I shiver a little at the contact.

---- The next day ----

Here I am again, standing on the doorstep of his house. I see how he gets out of his car and walks up the steps. Quickly I step aside as he unlocks the door, looking from side to side, as if there's something he tries to find.

I smile to myself, Helena must have been right after all. I walk into the house after him and get straight to the living room, just as he is. With some thought I get a book out of his book case and place it on the coffee table, it's a copy I gave him last Christmas.

Then I carefully sit down on the couch and see how he gets the book from the table. I see the lines appear in his forehead and hear him mutter: "I didn't place it there." I watch him as he gets up to place it back in the bookcase and gets himself a drink. I remove it from the bookcase again and this time I place it on the couch next to me.

When he gets back he moves it into the bookcase again, muttering the same. I continue to do this for quite some time until he opens the book and looks at something on the inside. I scoot closer and look over his shoulder at my own handwriting.

"_Dear Gil,_

_Here's the copy I've promised to give to you for months. _

_Have fun reading it._

_Love, _

_S."_

I cry softly to myself and stand up to walk away from him. I have to let him know I'm here. My emotion creates a breeze in the room, which makes the curtains move. 'I didn't know I could do that...'

I look back at him immediately and see how he's scanning the whole room, looking at me for a longer moment before adverting his eyes again. "Sara?" He softly whispers and I smile through my tears.

"I'm right here baby," I say, kneeling down in front of him and caressing his cheek with my hand.

After my touch he moves his hand to the same cheek. "Sara?" He asks again.

"Gil... I'm here," I say, holding his hands in mine. And after some thought I ask: "Helena, are you here?"

I feel a cold breeze and look behind me. It's Helena. I see how Grissom's eyes get back as he gets off the couch. "W-Who are you?" He asks her.

"I'm Helena. I'm here to help Sara."

"She's... diseased, I'm sorry."

"I know... I'm here because she has a message for you."

* * *

**TBC **(that is if there are still people who read AND review the story, otherwise I'm going to give it either up for adoption or just remove it) 


	4. Mistaken

**Disclaimer: **Not mine, nope. The honor goes to Jerry, the lucky bastard. Lyrics used in here are by Our Lady Peace, name of the song is 'Somewhere out there'.

**A/N: **Okay, I'm pretty fast with updating, at least... faster than usually. Okay, I want to thank everybody for reviewing my last chapter, I really hadn't expected that so many people were (still) reading.

Thanks to **AngelWhiteRoses** for the beta, you're awesome hun!

I still think this story totally sucks hehe. And to be honest, I have no idea how I'm going to write myself out of it, I'm pretty clueless on what is coming next. I just let myself be taken by my muse, which can be pretty evil sometimes. But I did get some ideas from a song, let's see if that fits in here (you'll notice in the next chapter or so)

For now I want to thank: **_brandie.d_**,**_ sky m_**,**_ odeepblue_**,**_ AngelWhiteRoses_**,**_ IHeartPuccini_**,**_ dddotes2001_**,**_ Sagittarius's Rhythm_**,**_ jtbwriter _**and**_ meian_** for all their nice reviews. They really keep me going, so keep them coming, more reviews means a faster update!

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_Chapter 4 – Mistaken_

Grissom's POV:

I stare at the woman, my mouth agape. She can't be serious, can she? I've never believed in things like a sixth sense, I'm a scientist after all. But when it's concerning Sara, I'm willing to listen. After opening my mouth, and closing it again, I finally respond.

"E-Excuse me? Who did you say you are?" I stutter.

The woman remains where she is, staring at me intently. "I'm Helena... and Sara is here."

I stand up and walk closer to her, trying to see if she really is there. Maybe I took too much medication for my migraine, and it caused hallucinations. But she's really there. No blur nowhere. Her form is clear.

"I'm sorry, but I don't believe you. Sara's deceased, it's not possible she's still here," I say, more convinced than I am feeling.

"You never heard of people keeping in contact with their loved ones who have died?" Helena asks me. She reaches out for me to wipe a tear away. I step back from her, her hand is so cold. I almost start to believe that a dead woman is standing in my living room, but the scientist in me is still stronger. I want her to go, I don't want to deal with things like this now.

"Miss, I would like you to leave right now. I want to be alone, please."

"Whatever you want," she responds and disappears. I walk through my room, looking for a sign of how she left. 'Is this some kind of sick joke?'

* * *

Two weeks later:

I don't want to go to work today; ever since Sara died, I do my job with reluctance. The place is just not the same without her; every night before I leave I watch the doorway, expecting her to lean against the doorframe. But every night again it's empty, or like yesterday, I would find Catherine standing there.

She's worried about me, I can feel that, I just don't want her to, I'll be fine eventually. When I told her about Helena, and Sara looking for contact with me, she raised her eyebrow and then started ranting about how Lindsey believed in that 'crap' – not very helpful.

"You know, Lindsey is all into that stuff now. She wants to do something with EVP, well there's no way I'm allowing her to," she mocks.

"EVP?" I ask her, I've never heard of that.

"Yeah, Electronic Voice Phenomenon. People believe they can talk with the dead, through electronics, radio, T.V. and computers. It's the white noise… they see dead people, or hear dead people. It's kinda creepy really," she explains. "Why?"

I swallow. "Do you think that…Sara might is looking for contact with me… us?" And with some afterthought I add. "How does EVP work?"

She walks into my office and closes the door behind her. Sitting down in the chair in front of my desk she intertwines her fingers and leans with her elbows on the desk. "Gil…" She says with sympathy. "I know you're missing her… We all do. But please don't do anything stupid."

"What's stupid about EVP?" I retort.

"It's not stupid… but it can be dangerous. You shouldn't meddle with the 'other side'."

"I… I just miss her so much Cath." I sigh and rub my eyes.

"I know you do Gil," she says and gets over to my side of the desk. She kneels down in front of me and pulls me in a hug. I try to resist, but give in after some afterthought.

When she gets up and leaves she turns around one more time, before closing the door behind her. "Don't try EVP."

When I get home after a long shift I sit down on my couch and flip the T.V. on. Curiously I turn on a white noise net. I look at the screen intently, waiting for Sara to come into view. But nothing changes and I turn it off. I don't even know why I'm doing this, I don't even believe in this stuff.

"God, I miss you Sara," I whisper. It's then I cry… I've done it a lot since she died.

_You're falling back to me  
The star that I can't see  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there_

When I feel a cold breeze going through the room, and they lights going out I stand up rapidly, looking around. "Helena?" I ask, my voice as a whisper.

I turn around, sensing a presence behind me. When I indeed see Helena standing there I let out a small sigh of relief. "I think I need to talk to you," I say.

_You're falling out of reach  
Defying gravity  
I know you're out there  
Somewhere out there_

Helena holds up her hand. "No," She says and turns around. She whispers something into nothingness and then keeps silent. It's like she's talking to somebody I can't see. 'Is Sara here?' I ask myself, while watching the scene before me.

"Sara needs to talk to you first."

I swallow. "Is… Is she here?"

"Yes, you can talk to her. And I will talk for her," Helena explains to me, smiling softly. She turns around again and when she turns back she says: "Sara has something important to tell you."

I nod and wait for her to continue.

"She asks me if you remember that night in San Francisco."

"Of course I do." The thought of it makes my tears watery. "It was the night before I had to leave, the night that we went out for dinner."

* * *

_Flashback:_

"_Mr. Grissom. I have something to show you," she says, her eyes glistering in the candle light. _

_He smiles. "Let's finish dinner first, shall we?" _

_She grins sheepishly. "Yeah, thank you for taking me here," she says sincerely. "I don't usually go out that much, I'd rather –" _

"_Read," he finished her sentence. "Yeah, you're a very smart woman."_

_With a blush she thanks him, before turning her attention to her plate. She hasn't eaten much, because she isn't very hungry. She's nervous, although she knows she shouldn't be. Dr. Grissom was a nice man, well, more than 'nice' if you asked her._

_After dinner they walked together in the direction of the park. He had softly grabbed her hand, the gesture causing Sara's stomach to do flip-flops. _

_In the park she showed him her favorite place, on the side of a lake. "I usually come down here to think. It's my... private place," she says with a soft smile. _

"_It's beautiful," he says and reaches out his hand to cup her cheek. _

_She looks him deep in his eyes, causing him to withdraw his hand. "We shouldn't do this Sara."_

_When he turns around she grabs his hand. "I'm old enough to decide for myself." And with that she closes the gap between them and kisses him softly. _

_Somehow between that moment and an hour later they end up in his hotel room. They are kissing passionately and hastily removing each other's clothes. One might think that this is pretty fast, but to them it wasn't. The whole night was perfect, up until the morning... when he had to leave. _

_End of flashback

* * *

_

"She got pregnant that night," Helena tells me, causing me to swallow hard.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" I ask, trying not to scare her away. I'm shocked, that's all.

"I was afraid you would turn away from me, that you would never want to speak with me ever again," Sara sobs. "I just couldn't tell you."

"She says she was afraid to tell you," Helena says.

"Sara, you shouldn't have been afraid of me honey. I love you." I say, tears making their way down my cheeks.

"I love you too," Sara says, crying as well.

"She says she loves you as well."

* * *

**TBC**

Okay, that was chapter four. Lyrics used in her are not mine, they're from Our Lady Peace. Thanks for reading, and please review… I really really really need it!

_- Myra_


	5. Not so little one

_A/N: Okay, took me a while... I know this chapter is really short, but it's something that needed to be done. Next chapter will be a lot longer, I promise. That will contain a lot more than this. Sorry for the blah in this one. I want to thank **UnspokenLoves** for betaing as usually, you rock hun! Love you loads! And I also want to thank all my reviewers: **Tessa**, **Scrimshaw89**, **smacky30**, **jtbwriter**, **stareagle**, **odeepblue **(sorry for another short chap, next one will be longer!), **paganmelly**, **sky m** and **MonthyPythonFan**. Thank you so much for all you sweet messages. Especially thanks to **stareagle** for giving me a peptalk! It's greatly appreciated!  
Okay, now on with the story! Have fun reading and please let me know what you think!

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_

_Chapter 5: Not so little one

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_

Sara's POV: 

I see the shock on Grissom's face when Helena told him I got pregnant. This sure wasn't what he had expected to hear, never something like this. He looked at her as if she'd grown another head, and I felt my lips curl up in a very small smile.

"What? Why didn't you tell me?" He asks, desperately needing an answer. He needed to know why I didn't let him in to the life of his child.

"I was afraid you would turn away from me, that you would never want to speak with me ever again," I sob. "I just couldn't tell you." I look at Helena with moist cheeks and red eyes, waiting for her to tell him.

"She says she was afraid to tell you," Helena says.

"Sara, you shouldn't have been afraid of me honey. I love you." I hear him say. He's crying, I've never seen him cry. I walk closer to him and try to wipe his tears away. I feel how he reacts to my touch and looks to his side.

"I love you too," I say, crying even harder than I was before. I hated this, I hated to see him hurt... but worst of all was that I caused that hurt.

"She says she loves you as well," Helena tells him before turning to me again. "The child... where is he now?"

I swallow. "She... She lives with my brother in Tamales Bay. Her birthday is next week, I was planning to go there for a few days. But..." I stop, it's too much to bear right now. "She will turn ten, I've been visiting as much as I could. Last time she asked about her dad... I never kept it a secret for her, I showed her a photo and promised her that she would meet him sometime." I wipe the tears from my cheeks.

"Tell him Helena, please tell him that he has to visit her," I say, looking at Helena. She nods and turns to Grissom.

"You have a nine-year old daughter," she says and awaits Grissom's reaction. He let's out a choking sound and looks to his side and back to Helena. "She will turn ten next week. She knows about you and Sara promised she would meet you sometime. She wants you to go visit her, she's with Sara's brother in Tamales Bay."

I see Grissom's reaction. He looks to Helena, and to me. Although I know he doesn't see me, it seems as if he does. I smile a little. Tears continue running down his cheeks and it breaks my heart.

"What's her name?" He asks.

"Calli Lory Sidle," Helena says after I told her.

"That's a beautiful name," he comments, wiping his eyes.

I move to stand next to him and tell Helena to tell him that I carry a picture of her in my purse, the one that's still sitting in my locker.

"Mr. Grissom... Gil, Sara carried a picture of your daughter in her purse, it's still in her locker. She wants you to see it and then go visit your daughter. Her brother knows that it could be that Calli's father would come for a visit. The address is on the back."

He smiles sadly. "Thank you," he says politely. "Sara... I love you so much, thanks for giving me a daughter. I'm going to spend as much time as I can with her, because she's a part of you. A part you left behind."

I smile softly and softly give him a kiss on his forehead. I feel how he reacts and looks around. "I'll be back soon," I whisper before leaving the room, but not before Helena tells him what I said.

I'm glad to have made contact with him, somehow it doesn't seem this bad anymore. Calli and I have spent our time together, I think this was meant to happen. Now Calli has time to spend with her dad, hopefully more and longer then we could.

* * *

**TBC

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**_A/N2: Please leave a review, that way I'll be motivated to start the next chapter. Not that I have time with exams very near (as in next friday... and then a period of 2 weeks with 7 exams...) but I'll try and make the best of it for you guys. Reviewers get cake!_


	6. Tomales Bay

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, lyrics are from the song 'Holes in the floor of Heaven.'  
Beta: The biggest thanks goes to **Kristy87** for betaing this for me, while she doesn't normally read CD fics. Thank you so very much!  
A/N: Sorry for the long delay on this story, I found it pretty hard to write the chapter with the funeral, so I kept it short. I hope you all like it and please leave a review.

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_**  
Hole in the wall of Heaven 6:**

It's been years ago since I first saw Sara, and it certainly was love at first sight. We went out for coffee the very first day, had dinner the next and dessert on the third. And on the fourth... I went home, without her. We kept in touch though, mail and phone, usually about once a month. We would send each other copies of Forensic articles, and chat hours on the phone about new forensic methods, or cases we've been working on.

But then Holly got killed, and we needed somebody to investigate the case. I sure as hell didn't want Internal Affairs to look into this. But I could have known that asking her to stay would make me fall even deeper in love with her. She came right away, it seemed as if she'd dropped everything in San Francisco and had taken the first plane to Vegas. I didn't mind of course, we couldn't have wished for a better CSI to work the case. But she wanted more, I should've known. And I wanted it too, but there was no way I could, no way I could let her in and show her how much I cared.

Year after year I saw her pine away, rejected by me. Stupid enough I didn't have any idea what I was doing to her, I was too busy with keeping myself on track. Work, work and work more. I totally shut myself out of the world, building a wall, for nobody to break. She kept on trying, breaking the wall down ever so slightly, so I could build it up again and push her even further away.

But then...

"_Seasons come, and seasons go, nothing stays the same  
I grew up, fell in love, met a girl who took my name  
year by year, we made a life, in this neon lighted town  
I thought we'd grow old together, Lord, I sure do miss her now"_

But then she opened my eyes. Showed me that I didn't have to be afraid of anything. She taught me how to love and how to be loved. This totally new experience was pretty amazing. She told me her secrets, and made me feel safe enough to tell her mine. We shared a strong bond, but we only showed it behind closed doors. There was no way we could let others in on our relationship. It would cost us our work and we both knew that we cared too much about our jobs.

After a few months, I asked her to move in with me. She had looked at me with a funny expression on her face, thinking that I was joking. But when she found out that I wasn't, she gladly accepted. She didn't give up her apartment yet, we had to make sure it would work out first. She moved some of her furniture in and I was having the hardest time. It was hard to see my house being changed. It was so sterile before, a safe haven. And now it was... homey.

And now... now I'm alone again. She got shot, by a suspect, working on a case she wasn't supposed to work. It was my case, but I was so stupid to call her in for help, and I would have to live with that fact for the rest of my life. She would go to Heaven, and I wasn't sure if I could go on without her. But then I remembered what my mom told me when my grandmother died.

"_One day shy of eight years old, my grandma passed away  
I was a broken hearted little boy, blowing out that birthday cake  
How I cried when the sky let go, with a cold and lonesome rain,  
Momma smiled, said don't be sad child, grandma's watching you today"_

I remembered how my mother told me that there where small holes in the walls and the floors of Heaven, through which the people who died could look at their loved ones. She said that every time I would ask for my grandma, she would go to one of the holes and look at me, and would make me feel safe. The thought made me feel safe and secure, and every time I felt bad, I would think about my grandma, watching through those holes.

The thought helped me get through the funeral, the definitive goodbye to Sara. It was too much for me, and when I heard the peoples' speeches, I lost it. Catherine had rubbed my back soothingly, but it didn't help. After the ceremony a small amount of people went with me to bury her. Her brother wasn't there, he probably couldn't make it with the B&B. It was only us, her co-workers. When the coffin was being lowered in the ground I slumped down on the cold ground, not being able to stand it anymore. My cries filled the air as I heard my mothers words in my ears...

"_But there's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And her tears are pouring down,  
That's how I know she's watching,  
Wishing she could be here now,  
And sometimes when I'm lonely,  
I remember she can see,  
There's holes in the floor of heaven,  
And she's, watching over you and me"  
_

I wondered if Sara would know about the holes, if she knew how to watch the world underneath. And I wondered if she'd told our daughter, if Calli knew that her mom would always watch her, no matter what. I picked up the phone, and dialed a service number. I told the woman on the other side that I was looking for a family called Sidle in Tomales Bay. She gave me the number and I wrote it down, my hand shaking.

Her brother picked up the phone, he'd already heard the news and told me how glad he was that I was calling. He said that he already had set up a room for me, so I could visit them whenever I wanted to. I didn't have to think twice as I remembered what Sara told me. I needed to see Calli, I needed to hold our daughter in my arms.

I arranged a few days off and booked the first plane to Tomales Bay. I got the address from the photo out of Sara's locker. Calli was a beautiful girl, she looked exactly like her mother, even had that gap between her two front teeth.

* * *

When I arrived at the B&B the next day her brother gave me a pat on my shoulder and told me that if I was looking for Calli, she was in her room. He told me it was the second door on the right and I found myself walking up the stairs ever so slowly. I was nervous, yes. I didn't know how Calli would react, and to be honest, I didn't even know how I would react myself. I wasn't sure if I wanted to find out.

I softly knocked on the door, twice. When I didn't get any reaction I slowly pushed the door open. "Calli?" I found the girl sitting on the edge of her bed, staring into nothingness.

I walked in and closed the door behind me, I still didn't get any reaction. I let out a deep sigh and took some time to take in the room. It was full of books, and on the side I spotted a photo of Sara, holding a younger Calli in her arms. "You look a lot like her," I said, more to myself than to Calli.

She looked at me, her big brown eyes looking sad. "Ben always says the same," she said, referring to Sara's brother. "He says that Mom would come and get me someday, when she wouldn't have to work that much, and when..." She stopped.

I looked at her questioningly. "When?"

"When you would live together, she said that I deserved to have two parents around the house... and she wouldn't make it on her own," she said, looking down on her hands.

"Calli..." I let out a sigh. "Your mother was a very smart woman. She was probably right."

"Yeah, maybe she was. But don't you think it would've been nice for me to live with her, instead of seeing her about once in three months?" She said, her voice wavering a little. We shouldn't argue now, although I did understand her anger.

"I'm sorry for not visiting you earlier... but, the problem is." I swallowed. "I didn't know about you up till a few days ago."

Calli stood up from the bed. "You're just trying to blame this all on Mom. You're saying it's her fault that she didn't tell you about me. Well, you wanna know what I think? I think it's your fault, you shouldn't have rejected her!" She yelled before slamming the door of her room shut.

The first encounter with my daughter didn't go as planned and I hoped it would go better next time…

* * *

_TBC_


	7. Forgiveness

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**Thanks:** To **Mel** for the beta, I'm so sorry about forgetting to credit her work on this!!! I'm sorry hun, like promised I fixed it.

**A/N: **I know there's not a single excuse for how long it took me to update this. But it's been so busy in real life, new college, a holiday, a bunch of homework... and ofcourse an evil muse which dragged me into a lot of other fanfictions... I can only pray it won't take me too long anymore to finish this. So Sara is coming back huh? Not yet, but soon... I guess there will be about 3 more chapters after this one. Please stay tuned!

**Forgiveness**

Later that day when I was taking a nap, I heard a small gentle knock on the door. I lifted myself up, grabbed my shirt and put it on. I also grabbed my glasses before walking to the door. I smoothed my hair down with one hand and opened the door with the other.

It was Calli, standing there, looking down at her feet. She blushed as she looked up at me. "I'm sorry daddy," she whispered before wrapping her arms tightly around me. "Ben told me you really didn't know about me," she whispered as her tiny hands gripped the shirt on my back tightly.

I let out a small sob as I sunk to my knees, taking my daughter in my arms. "It's alright Calli; I should've trusted your mother. I should've told her how much I love her."

Calli wrapped her arms around my neck and whispered: "She knew you loved her daddy. She was only waiting for you to tell her." Although she was only nine years old, she was very bright, I noted with a small smile. 'She looks so much like her mother,' I thought to myself. I let out a shaky sigh as we continued to hold each other.

"Mr. Grissom?" Ben called at the bottom of the stairs, seemingly hours later. Calli looked at me and pulled away, nodding a bit. She gave me a small smile.

I smiled back at her and gave her a small kiss to her forehead, before opening the door and going downstairs. "Yeah?"

"A woman on the phone for you, Catherine I think her name was," Ben said, handing me the phone and giving me some privacy.

"Cath," I greeted her, sitting down at the kitchen table, taking off my glasses and rubbing my eyes with the back of my hand.

"Gil, I was just calling to see how you're doing," she said in a soothing tone, and I could hear our co-workers in the background, telling her to say they said hi. "Everybody says hi," she chuckled a bit.

"I'm glad you're calling Cath. I uh… I'm fine I guess. Calli came to me this morning and apologized. I'm gonna see if we can go do something together today, she deserves to know more about who her mother was," I said, tears stinging in my eyes again.

I heard Catherine swallow on the other end. "You will be a great father Gil, no matter what you think. I know you will," she said gently.

"Thanks Cath. So how are things back at the lab?" I asked, needing to change the subject. I just couldn't explain yet how I found out about Calli, and I knew she would ask after that.

"Ecklie is having a lot of trouble finding a good replacement for Sara," she swallowed and kept silent for a moment. I knew she was also having trouble with dealing with events. "And we're having a rough time to cover everything with the four of us, although we've got some help from dayshift."

I nodded to myself. "I'm not sure if I'll come back to work," I confessed, the thought having been on my mind for quite some time. "I want to really be there for Calli, and see if we can find a nice home somewhere."

"I'm glad Gil, I'm glad. Well you hang on in there, and we'll be seeing you back soon hopefully, to fill us in and to show us your beautiful daughter," she said before bidding her goodbyes.

"Bye Cath, thanks for calling," I said, to the dial tone.

- - - - -

Later that day we were heading to the small fair down at the beach. Calli was holding my hand and it seemed as if she'd been with me since she was born. It just felt so natural to be holding my daughter's hand and I was glad.

I found myself wondering when it had been the last time that I last visited a fair or something like it. I concluded that the last time was for a case, I'd been there together with Sara. Calli noticed my distraction and grabbed my arm. "What are you thinking daddy?" She asked gently, her big brown eyes focusing on me.

"I uh… wondered when I last went to a fair. It was two years ago I think, I went with your mother for a case," I told her, looking deep into her eyes. Eyes that reminded me of Sara, like everything did these days. I wished she was still with us, I wished that we could be together in this, all three of us, like a normal family.

"I miss mommy," she whispered to me and I smiled sadly at her, looking up at the sky for a moment, as if I was watching Sara in the clouds. I let out a deep sigh and looked down at Calli.

"Yeah, so do I," I said and grabbed her hand. "Let's go get some candy. What do you want? Popcorn or cotton candy?"

"Cotton candy," she said with a small smile.

"Alright, we're getting a very big one so we can share," I said and chuckled. I picked her up, threw her over my shoulder and made my way to the candy stand.

"This lady wants the biggest piece of cotton candy you can make," I told the guy in the stand and I could hear Calli giggle loudly on my back.

A few hours later I carried a tired Calli in my arms back to the B&B, since it was getting late. I smiled up to the sky when she fell asleep in my arms. I silently thanked Sara for giving me such a beautiful daughter.

Ben smiled softly at me when I came in and helped me get her in bed. After we closed the door behind us, Ben placed a friendly hand on my shoulder and asked me to come with him down to the porch. "I uhm… I don't know how to say this, but Sara's still here," he said, feeling like an idiot.

Normally I would have raised my eyebrow, but now I merely smiled. "So she's tried to talk to you too?" I questioned.

Ben nodded. "Yeah, well some woman did."

"Helena," I said and a small smile tugged in the corner of my mouth. I wasn't crazy. "She came to me as well, that's how Sara told me about Calli."

Ben smiled back. "Well… she told me there was a possibility of getting Sara back."

**TBC**


	8. The way back

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters, except for Helena  
**A/N:** There is no excuse for how long it took me to update this, so I'm not even going to try and explain. I'll just hope that I will be able to update more regularly from now on. Thanks to everybody who has stuck with me throughout all this time. Enjoy :)

* * *

_**Chapter 8**

It was getting late afternoon when I made my way up the lawn to my brother's house. I could see him and Grissom sitting on the front porch, talking and laughing. I smiled a bit to myself as I neared them. They were talking about Helena and talking about me.

When Grissom's laughing had subsided a bit, his face turned serious again as he looked at Ben. "You're not saying this to give me false hope, are you?"

Ben shook his head. "No, of course not. Helena told me that there was a small chance we would get her back, if we were willing to sacrifice a lot for it," he explained, looking at Grissom and I frowned to myself. What had Helena not told me? I wondered.

Grissom nodded, "I'll do anything to get her back," he whispered, his eyes filling to the brim with tears again. "Anything I will have to do."

Ben nodded with a smile, "I'm glad," he said sincerely.

I shook my head a bit and looked around, not quite understanding what they were talking about. They were discussing a way for me to get back to them, how come I didn't know about that before them? What if I didn't want to go back? Of course I wanted to, but Helena should have come to me about it.

"Helena?" I asked as I looked around some more. When she appeared I looked over my shoulder at Ben and Grissom, they couldn't see her this time. "Why did you tell them there was a way for them to get me back?"

"Because there is," Helena stated simply as she smirked a bit at me. "And because I knew I didn't have to convince you, about them getting to get you back," she explained as she placed her hand on my shoulder. "Come on, let's leave them be for a moment and discuss this," she whispered as she led me to the back of Ben's B&B.

We sat down on the back porch and I looked at her, waiting for her to explain how I was going back. "So how does this work? Do we like... go back in time?"

Helena smiled gently, "That's one possibility yes, but you'll have to go back to the day you first met Grissom, you won't know what happened and things could turn out differently."

I nodded and smiled sadly, that wasn't exactly my wish how it would go, but if that meant I could see Grissom again, I'd take the chance. "Okay, let's do it."

With surprise Helena chuckled, "I said that was one option, there's more."

I smiled goofily at my impatience, "Okay..."

"We could undo your death, but only Grissom, Ben and Calli would ever know about it, the rest wouldn't even know you had died," Helena said. "It's a risky operation though, because all three of them have to promise not to tell a single soul that you have returned from your place among the dead."

I frowned at her, "Why can't they?"

I saw Helena's hesitance before she forced a sad smile, "Because then you'll really die and won't be able to come back."

For a moment I contemplated her words, and weighed the pros and cons for both methods. They both had a lot of pros, but the last option definitely had the least cons, so I was fairly sure to choose that one.

"Do they know these methods?" I asked after a while.

Helena nodded, "I told them both individually, I think they're discussing it now. So uhm... why don't you go sit with them and I'll talk to you all tomorrow and we'll set it up?"

I smiled at Helena in gratitude and nodded, "Thank you so much for giving me this opportunity."

Helena gave me a short hug and a pat on the back, "Go to them," she smiled before fading away.

When she was gone I walked around, back to the front porch where Ben and Grissom were sitting, a glass of red wine in their hands. I could hear Grissom was talking and I sat down on the little bench next to him. "I wish you could hear me," I whispered and swallowed the urge to cry.

I took a look at Ben and smiled a bit, "I'm sorry we didn't get to see each other more often, bro," I said as I raised my hand to cup his cheek. I could see he reacted to my touch and heard how Grissom whispered my name.

"Do you think she's here?" He asked as he looked around, before his eyes settled on my face. It was as if he was looking right at me, while in reality he wasn't.

I smiled and cupped his cheek as well, very carefully brushing my lips against his. I could feel a tingle in my lips again, just like the first time we kissed. My mind flashed back to that particular night as I zoned out.

* * *

_I grabbed the two plates from the table and walked to the kitchen, placing them in the sink and starting the hot water. I turned back to get the other things from the table, but when I looked up I saw how Grissom came in with it all. I blushed slightly and thanked him, taking it from his hands and placing it in the sink as well. _

"_It's no trouble," he replied and smiled warmly at me as he got a drying cloth from the counter. "I don't know where everything is supposed to go, but I'll try my hardest," he grinned and gave me a goofy wink. _

_I blushed even more and closed the tap. "I uhm… I was just gonna get this in the water and clean it up later," I said as I looked deep into his eyes. _

_He shook his head. "This is the least I can do after getting the greatest meal I've ever tasted," he said and with a quick movement of his hand, the water was running again. "Why don't you just kick back and relax on the couch while I finish this up?" _

_I couldn't let him do that, but I was too stunned about his compliment for a moment. What had happened to this man? "No, I insist we'll do it later," I whispered, my voice wavering a bit from nerves. _

_He gently grabbed my arms, and I hadn't noticed how close he was before, but I could feel his warm breath on my skin now. I noticed his eyes were darker, full of passion… and love. "Griss I…" I tried talking, but he silenced me with a finger to my lips. _

"_Don't talk…" he whispered, as his eyes flashed down to look at my lips. _

_Unconsciously I licked my lips as my eyes wandered over his face. From his beautiful blue eyes, down his straight nose and to his perfect lips. I only noticed I had stopped breathing when he lowered those lips to touch mine. _

_I pulled back in surprise, shock written over my face. I could see the worried frown appear on his face and the hurt in his eyes. I smiled quickly. "I'm sorry I…" I wanted to tell him he'd surprised me with this, that I had never expected him to do something bold, that it wasn't like him. But I couldn't. Instead I cupped his cheeks in my hands, my lips pressing hard against his, demandingly. _

_It didn't take him long to wrap his arms around my waist and I smiled against his lips, my arms wrapping around his neck, pushing my body up tight against his as I let off a small whimper. My lips tingled at the touch of his and I felt I was ready to explode as his tongue slowly pried its way into my mouth.

* * *

_

I shook myself out of this reverie as I hear Ben's voice. He asked Grissom which option seems best. I was nearly sure they were talking about the options Helena had just told me about.

"The second one of course," he replied without hesitation. "I can't live with the uncertainty if we would ever get together otherwise."

Ben nodded in agreement, "But what about Calli, it will be hard for her to keep quiet."

I looked back and forth between the two men that were most important to me. 'Option two, pick option two,' I thought to myself as my eyes settled on Grissom's face.

"She's a smart girl, she will understand," he replied and Ben nodded with a smile.

"Yes she will," Ben said and raised his glass. "To Sara."

"To Sara," Grissom replied.

I smiled, tears streaming down my cheeks. I was going to go back to them, be able to be with them again and form my own family. I let out a small sob, life… or dead, had never been better.

* * *

**TBC**


	9. A new start

_**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of these characters, except for Helena.  
**A/N:** Yay, I updated again! I apologize for this short chapter, but it's just something I had to do before I could have Sara come back. She will be back in the next chapter and then you can prepare for some new angst! Enjoy :)_

* * *

**Chapter 9**

The next morning I woke up as Calli knocked on the door of my room. When I sat up I immediately cursed at myself for drinking the previous night. I wasn't used to alcohol in my system, so every drink I had counted for five for a normal person.

"I'm coming honey," I grumbled as I put my hand to my head, closing my eyes tightly to the offending daylight that peeked through the curtains of my small B&B room. With some difficulty - the matress is like a piece of concrete - I hoisted myself up, running my hands over my face. I went into the small bathroom and grab a Tylenol before putting on my clothes. I smoothed my hair down and opened the door, only to be greeted by my daughter. "Good morning beautiful," I whispered as I lifted her up in my arms for a moment.

Ben was waiting at the other side of the hallway, "I fixed some breakfast for the three of us," he grinned and retreated into the kitchen to place it all on the table.

I smiled in gratitude and took my daughter's hand as we went into the kitchen and sat down at the table. Ben had prepared a great meal. "Thank you so much," I said politely as Calli started eating.

He nodded and looked over his shoulder as we all noticed Helena come in. His eyes widened a bit, but he also smiled. This was the day we all had been waiting for and we had come to a good decision the evening before. Ben knew what our choice was and told Helena, but not in so many words, Calli wasn't supposed to find out this way.

I smiled at my daughter and decided to go and take a walk with her after breakfast. I told her that we had to help her uncle clean up and she did it without complaints. We did the dishes together and then headed out for a walk. I helped her put on her warmest coat as we walked onto the beach, the cold wind blowing around us. "Honey there's something we have to talk about," I started and sat her down on one of the benches, so we could overlook the sea.

Calli looked at me with her beautiful big eyes that reminded me so much of her mother. How I longed to see those eyes again, hold her in my arms again. A tear escaped my eyes and I choked up a little. When my daughter noticed this she wrapped her arms around me and patted my hair. "It is okay to cry daddy," she whispered in my ear, which made me cry even harder. I didn't know when I became such a family person, but this little girl meant the world to me.

* * *

_I was sitting in my office, filling out my team evaluations when she knocked on the dooframe. "Oh, hi Sara, come on in," I smiled and waved her in, gesturing for her to sit down on the chair opposite my desk. When she did I pushed my glasses down my nose and looked at her. "What can I do for you?" _

_She let out a sigh and regained her cool. "I want to ask for a few days off," she started and when I wanted to ask her what she needed it for, she explained. "It's my niece's birthday and I want to visit her and my brother for a few days. I haven't seen them in at least six months." _

_I nodded and smiled, "I think I can arrange you some time off, when do you want to leave?" _

_She waited for a bit, "Next friday, that way I'll be there the day before her birthday as well, so I have some time to shop for something to give her." _

_I smiled at her, "That's a good idea, you can go, I'm sure it's not a problem with staff," I told her and looked at her for a moment. Something seemed off about this story, but I couldn't quite place my finger on it. "How old is your niece?" _

_"She's seven," Sara responded immediately and I was amazed she kept such good track of birthdays of her family. She grabbed her purse and pulled out a picture. "That's her," she whispered as she handed me a picture of a young girl, who looked to be around the age of five here. _

_I looked at the picture and an uneasy feeling crept upon me, "She looks a lot like you," I whispered and tore my eyes away from the picture. _

_Sara blushed, "She's my brother's, everybody in our family looks alike." _

_"Have a good time Sara," I told her when she left my office, leaving me with my paperwork._

_

* * *

_

I let out one last sigh and pulled back to look at her. "Calli, that lady that came in when we were having breakfast..." I started and looked down at my hands, not sure how to tell her this.

"She can talk to mommy, can't she?" Calli asked and looked at me with a smile. "Does mommy miss us?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yes, mommy misses us very much," I whispered and then lifted her up on my lap, having her sit on my knee. "Can you promise me something?"

Calli nodded and frowned a bit, "What's wrong daddy?"

"That lady can make your mommy come back to us," I explained. "But she can only come back if you promise me not to tell anybody your mommy was dead."

First she smiled really brightly, but then she frowned again, "But why can't I?"

I swallowed the lump that was forming in my throat, "Because then she'll die and won't be able to come back," I paused for a moment and wondered how I could explain this the easiest for her. "She's going to stop the time for a while, and rewind it for everybody. So nobody will ever know that your mommy died, it never happened. The only ones who know are you, me, Ben and your mom."

Calli smiled, "If she will come back to us, will you live with us too?"

A tear escaped my eye, "Yes, honey I will never leave you. I love you so much," I said as I hugged her tight to me.

My daughter flung her arms around my neck and giggled a bit, "When will she come back?" She asked.

"I... I don't know exactly sweetie, maybe tonight, or tomorrow, but soon," I said as I wiped a few tears from my cheeks. "She won't wait long to see you again."

Calli smiled again at me and nodded, "So will we all live together?" She asked with a bright smile, but then her face saddened. "Do I have to go to Las Vegas?"

I felt so bad for her, for having to take her away from her friends. Then I thought for a moment, "No honey, you don't have to move. We are going to live here, don't worry about anything, okay?"

She smiled gently at me and nestled herself against my shoulder. "I love you too daddy," she whispered, before closing her eyes and falling asleep in my arms.

* * *

**TBC**


	10. A stop in time

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters except for Helena, Ben and Calli.  
**A/N: **Sorry for the long delay on this story again, but I'm suffering from Pfeiffer's disease (mono in American english) so I haven't been able to do much aside of sleeping. I can't promise when the next update will be, let's hope it won't take long though. Enjoy! PS: as chirachi mentioned in a review, it might be less confusing to mention POV. So, here we go.

* * *

**Chapter 10 – A stop in time**

Sara's POV

I was totally ready for it; I had never been more ready for anything in my life. Or dead, of course. How this was going work was still a slight mystery to me, but I trusted that Helena had told Ben and Gil all about it. I looked around the B&B of my brother and smiled, it had been quite some time since I had seen it last and I noticed he had finished his renovations. Then all of a sudden I felt a hand on my shoulder, I let out a small yelp and spun around. "Helena," I said, slightly out of breath. "You scared me."

She smirked a bit, "Must be a bad conscience then," she said and guided me to the backyard. "As you know I told Gil and Ben about what we were going to do, and they are very excited to have you back, as is your daughter."

At the mention of Calli my eyes teared up, "I miss her so much," I whispered as I had to swallow the lump in my throat.

Helena smiled softly at me, "You'll have her back before you know it. Anyway, they had to promise not to tell anyone about what happened, because we are going to turn back time to the day you were shot."

I frowned a bit at her. "So that means we'll go back to Las Vegas?" I asked her.

She shook her head with a smile, "No, there will be no need to do that," she said and closed her eyes for a bit, as if she was lost in deep thought. "Your friends back in Las Vegas won't even remember you were home that day, for them you're on a vacation to visit your brother."

Well that seems to be okay, I thought to myself as I bit down on my bottom lip. "And what about Gil, will they know he's gone too?"

"All is taken care of, they will think he's teaching at a seminar," Helena smiled. "He told me he's away for that quite a few times each year, so that won't be any surprise to them."

I nodded. "Okay, let's roll." I tried not to let her know that I was slightly worried by the point that travelling back to the day I was shot, also meant that my killer would be alive. I didn't want to tell her, and soothed my thoughts with the idea that it was just some random killing and that he couldn't get to me here. But wait…

"Helena, there's a problem," I started as I grabbed her arm to get her attention. "What if the man who killed me, kills one of my co-workers?"

I saw how Helena's face saddened, and for a moment I wonder if she's going to tell me who's going to be killed, but she doesn't. "I'm sorry to tell you, but… I've spoken to him, he knows we're going back in time," she stopped talking for a moment and I could see she was nervous. "I uhm… it wasn't a random killing, he was looking for you. I'm so sorry, but I can't stop him from going back and I wasn't able to change his mind."

All of a sudden I felt sick to my stomach. This man who shot me, was going to live. He was going to hunt me down until he would find me, and was going to kill me if he got the chance. "What do I do?" I asked.

Helena merely shrugged, "I can't tell you what to do and what not to do. This is something you better discuss with Gil when you get back," she told me, almost like telling me I was getting back from some vacation where something happened.

I nodded. "Thank you."

"For what?"

"Making this all possible," I explained as we went down the steps to the living room. I noticed how Gil, Ben and Calli were sitting on the couches, talking to each other. I didn't take the time to listen to them, because Helena once again demanded my attention.

"I think you better get out of the room," she said to me and I nodded, doing as she told me and sitting down at the kitchen table, fiddling nervously with my fingers.

* * *

Grissom's POV

I had my arm rested around my daughter's shoulders, keeping her close to me. I didn't understand how I could have lived my life without even knowing of her existence. She was so precious, the perfect combination of Sara and me. I looked at her from the corner of my eye and smiled, she looked so nervous. "It's going to be okay sweetie," I assured her.

Before she could reply to me, we all felt a cold wind enter the room and I immediately recognized Helena. I noticed how Calli nestled a little closer to my side, looking at the woman a little shy. "Is everything ready?" I asked her.

At Helena's nod I looked at Ben, he gave me an assuring smile. We both, as well as Calli, couldn't wait to do this, couldn't wait to get Sara back. It hadn't been that long yet, but it felt as if I'd been living eternity without her.

"I want you to sit on the rug in the middle of the living room, and hold each other's hands," Helena told us as she stood in front of the window, and I didn't even pay attention to the fact that her presence didn't leave any shadow. Normally I would have raised my eyebrow at that, now I wasn't patient enough.

We sat on the floor as Helena had told us, and I held Calli close to me, holding her hand tightly in mine. Ben held her other hand and we did too, without any hesitation. "We're ready," I said, but Ben interrupted me.

"How is this going to work exactly?" He asked, and I could hear the nerves in his voice. He had been brave through all of this, and I had barely see him let a tear. Though now that he was getting his sister back, he seemed more emotional than I had seen him before.

Helena smiled gently. "You won't notice much, I promise," she said and placed her hand on the crown of Calli's head momentarily.

I could feel how Calli scooted even closer to me, a little afraid of the mysterious lady.

Then there was music, distant humming of a language I couldn't understand. It almost sounded Celtic, Gaelic. Not that I spoke any of those languages, but I'd read about them. The humming became more insistent and suddenly I noticed it was Helena's voice, though she sounded like a lady's choir all by herself.

Suddenly the room turned dark and I was unable to see anything. Instinctively my hand held Calli's tighter and I pulled her close. Then, as if nothing had happened the light was on again. The room was spinning around us and I told Calli to close her eyes as I felt a wave of nausea hit me. I closed my eyes quickly as well and fought my own mind.

When the room fell silent and the sound of humming couldn't be heard anymore, I dared to open my eyes. It was a sunny day outside, and I could hear the birds sing. Carefully I looked around and noticed Helena was gone. I didn't see Sara anywhere, what was going on?

I felt Calli stir and I dared to let go of her hand, as well as Ben's. They both looked at me questioningly and I sighed. "I don't think this worked," I said.

I could see the tears form in my daughter's eyes and I had to fight my own from streaming down my cheeks. Then, as if it was the wind, I heard rustling in the kitchen. I looked up at Ben, asking him with my eyes if somebody could be there. He shook his eyes.

Finally, my dream came true and I heard the sweetest voice I'd ever heard behind us. "Who wants lemonade?"

* * *

TBC 


End file.
